Knife play: Safety 101 and beyond

Hello all, I know it's been a bit of a while since I last put up a blog. Yeah, life gets in the way, but I got myself some free time here.

So, after leaving off for a bit, what comes next? I figured that I'd start off with my own personal love in a scene; Knives. Now, I'm going to go in to the blog assuming that everyone know what a knife is. (I hope this is a safe bet.) But I'm going to take it from step 1 when it comes to play, and cover safety and tools, and then go in to technique, and eventually, a little more advanced play. So, here we go.

Alright, knife safety 101. Sounds almost idiotic, doesn't it? Ok, they're sharp, they can cut you (And probably will, at some point.). Pretty obvious, right? Well, that's not it. There's a lot more to safety than that. The first thing when it comes to knife safety is your knife itself. There are many different styles of knives out there, in tons of different shapes and sizes, and surprisingly, one of the biggest issues when it comes to safety, is the top having a knife that is properly sized to them. The top has to be able to properly control the knife in scene. Generally, my rule when it comes to knives, is that I won't use a knife that is longer that my forearm, from crick of the elbow to base of the wrist, tip to end. This ensures for a blade that isn't going to be too long that it's going to be hard to control. (And remember, you can choke up on the blade of the knife, instead of just using the handle to maintain better control.) Now, when it comes to blade style, there are a number of different types of blades, and everyone has their own preference. It will probably take some practice to find blades that you like. For the very beginners, I would suggest finding a solid, fixed-blade dagger. This will supply a solid blade, and typically, a really good point to use. Secondly, before any play, and I always do this well in advance, and after every scene that I do with my knives, be sure that the blades are CLEAN. And when I mean clean, I mean extremely clean. Now, it is possible that I go a little bit overboard in cleaning my blades, but it means that I can guarantee their cleanliness. I wipe the blade and handle both down with a 70% rubbing alcohol on a wash cloth, and quickly dry it afterwards. This serves two purposes. For one, it cleans off the majority of the blade, and secondly, it gives a good basic overview of the blade if there are any nicks on the blade. A blade with nicks is not a good knife to play with. Nicks increase the chance of cutting your bottom, and this is a very unneeded risk. Now, I will usually do a very thorough check of the blade for any damage to be sure that it is safe to play with. And, because I am a little over-cautious with my knives, I like to do a final pass over the blade with an open flame and soft cloth to clean up any other debris on the blade. Alright, now we have a good clean knife, and know not to cut your bottom, so what's next? Oh, right, a willing bottom. And not just any willing bottom, one that you have actually negotiated the scene with. Remember, each bottom will be different in how they can handle with knives. some bottoms have different medical conditions that mean they cannot have a knife drawn across some places, or even can't stand the feeling of a knife, such as some cases of Fibromyalgia, and some bottoms have mental blocks that keep them from being able to have a knife on them in certain places. Always, always, ALWAYS negotiate with you bottoms! Now, there are some places that you need to ALWAYS be especially careful of when it comes to knife play. In particular, these include inner joints, the softer skin areas where joints fold in on themselves. The skin here is much thinner than elsewhere, and as such, cuts much more easily. Anywhere within the bikini line is also a very tender place, seeing as you would be both right near your bottom's genitalia, as well as the femoral artery, which, if cut, doesn't take long for your bottom to bleed out. Another area that requires particular caution is the neck, as it is very soft, thin tissue, and causes negative reactions in a number of bottoms. Now, I am not saying that you have to completely avoid these areas, but you just have to be very careful here.

Ok, we've gone through the safety of everything, and now I'm sure you're all bored out of your minds, and asking when I'm going to get to the actual play aspect of knife play. Well, your answer is now. To begin with, holding the knife is one of the most important things for a top to know. Personally, I live by a rule of keeping at least 3 points of contact with the knife at any one time, minimum. This maximizes the control that you can have with the knife, and works nicely to keep steady pressure. Generally, with bigger knives, I'll pinch the blade lightly between my index finger and thumb, while letting the blade rest back against the crook between the two fingers, sort of like a pencil. I find that this gives me the best feeling, and allows for good stability, and the ability to make contact with my bottom as needed. You should be able to control the blade, but also have a very light touch, and fairly graceful flow. You need to be able to apply pressure and keep that pressure steady. Contact between the knife and your bottom is generally made through the point of the blade, and a little bit on to the edge at times. Personally, when it comes to learning how much pressure to apply with a knife, I highly suggest testing the blade on yourself first. The inside of your forearm is a great place for this, as it provides fairly sensitive, and easily-accessible skin. Once you have sorted out how much pressure you can apply, and how the blade feels, we get down to actually using the knife on your bottom. Yes, now we get to the really fun part. Using a knife should almost be like drawing a picture. When it comes down to it, let your mind flow. Long, slow lines with constant pressure are probably the best way to start for beginners, and when working with a bottom, I generally suggest working on their back first. The back can generally take a lot more use and abuse than much of the rest of the body, so this makes it great for those that aren't so certain with their hand at first. The most important part of all of this is maintaining the constant pressure without cutting your bottom, and keeping a steady hand will usually lend itself naturally to this. The reasons that I say to stick with slower lines is that your bottom will typically enjoy this more. I mean, I can't speak for the rest of you, but usually, the longer that something that I like lasts, the happier I am in the end, and this also helps with control. Now, once you start to get more comfortable with your bottom and a little more used to the knife, feel free to expand a bit with your play. You can speed up a little bit, add in a little variation to the pressure of the blade, and maybe even most importantly, move off of the back. Knives are such versatile toys, and can be used for a number of different play purposes. Drawing lines down limbs, across the neck (CAREFULLY), or, one of my personal favorites, on breasts and nipples. And remember, you can expand your horizons greatly.

And this has been your introduction in to knives 101, as brought to you by the Kinky Cabbie.

Polyamory: The Natural Way

As of recently, I've been fielding a lot of conversations dealing with the topic of polyamory. Now, seeing as I am in a lifestyle where this is more and more common, you may think that something like this wouldn't take me by surprise, however, in many cases, this has not been the case.

Around my kinky friends, sure, I can see sitting down somewhere and stepping in on a conversation about the idea of Poly, but I never expected to walk in to one sitting down for lunch one day. Now, for a little bit of background, I do know the people that I sat down with when I heard this conversation, however they are both quite vanilla, and was a little bit shocked that they really knew the meaning of polyamory. But it's not the fact that they were talking about polyamory that I'm blogging about today. It's what about polyamory that they were talking about that got me interested. I came to sit down during a discourse about polyamory actually being more natural to the animal kingdom than monogamy. (And yes, humans are animals.)

Personally, I had never thought about this before. I've been in a couple of polyamorous and/or open relationships before, and I knew that it just felt normal to me, even though I knew that the majority of society around me frowned on such relationships. I had never even taken another look in to why society tended to dislike multiple-partner relationships. As far as I really knew, what I was doing was actually wrong, even by natural standards. This, however, is not the case. Polyamory is a very natural reaction, even more-so than monogamy, by the standards of animals. The other two species of animals (Dolphins and Chimpanzees) that both have members of the species that mate for life, and have sex for pleasure, both have also been noted as often partaking in polyamorous behavior. As a matter of fact, nearly every animal, insect, bird, basically any creature that reproduces via sex, has members of its species that participates in polyamory. Now, I do not want to say in any way that monogamy is to be ruled out as as a natural response to sex and relationships, but I want to make the point that of all creatures, Humans are the only ones to seem to be overly mindful of polyamory.

Even in the bible is polyamory not only allowed, but in many cases, it is promoted. As early as Exodus 21:10, there is mention of man taking on multiple wives within his marriage. Throughout the Old Testament, there are a number of cases in which good Jews married multiple wives (remember, I say Jews because it was not until the new Testament where Judaism and Christianity diverged.), In particular, Jewish Kings. King Solomon, himself, had over 700 wives, and another 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3). And once Christianity split from Judaism, with the testament, there has never been direct quote of Jesus saying that the polygamy of the Jews, only the Apostle Paul (1 Corinthians 7-28, where Paul differentiates his own opinion from that of God and Jesus.).

Nature and the bible both have strong statements to make for the promotion of polyamory, however, as a society, there is still a certain stigma that has been imposed on to the act of polyamory. Polyamory is more regularly seen as infidelity in the eyes of today's society, rather than the institution of having a number of different loves. From my personal experience, outside of the community, there really aren't many that sympathize with polyamory, as society tends to look at the idea of having multiple partners as being an abomination. Now that I have had personal experience with being in polyamorous relationships, I understand that I wasn't the one that was doing something wrong, I was just following natural instincts, and while yes, they are different from what has been deemed unfit by society, they are not actually feelings that are condemned by nature, nor the bible, but rather have merely been made taboo by society.